The Royal Wedding

Chad Kroeger from Nickelback and Avril Lavigne are getting married.

Hold on, I'll let you catch your breath from the most likely stomach cramping laughter you have fallen into... actually if I did that I'd have to wait two weeks, so let's just move on with it. The news broke today with People magazine in the lead, Spin magazine closely following it and of course everyone's favorite celebrity gossip website Oh No They Didn't, bringing the real LOLZ and the goods with pictures of the new power couple of music....

Is it just me or do they look related here?

I am not going to lie, when I first read that they were engaged I checked the date and also made sure I wasn't reading the Onion or some shit. How can two people who are arguably some of the most hated people in music make it in this crazy mixed up world? More over why would they want to? They're going to have to listen to each other's shitty bands do mediocre music for the rest of their lives (their 90 day marriage, whatever comes first.)

Not to mention Avril was classy enough to let this information out on the birthday of her very very recent ex-boyfriend Brody Jenner. Sweet move there. 

But really of course my mind went immediately to all the crimes that their songs have committed against my ears over the years and wonder if the magic of terrible songs or being Canadian is what is to blame (or really to congratulate for the biggest LOL I've had in weeks)

Maybe Chad proposed using this Nickelback gem, you know to show what a sensitive and sweet guy he is:

And then maybe Avril said what the rest of us said and responded with this:

But more likely she probably played him this one back instead...

And then they probably went out and bought some ugly neck chains and hair products together.  But like my friend Jen Wa the Destroyer pointed out, honestly they're perfect for each other:

I mean he wrote this song and she wrote this other song too...

So really I think they're equally annoying. And sonically awful. Dear gods of music, let's keep them from procreating, at least before I go deaf.

Also keep an eye out for the duet they wrote together, which is the reason we have this Royal Wedding to look forward to. Cheers you crazy bad music generating kids.

Going shopping? Can you please find this man a less ugly shirt while you're out?

Classy keychain there...

Time to hate on nickelback

So Nickelback has a new album coming out soon. The first single from it came out a few weeks ago and I've been trying to ignore it.

Here's the deal, this song isn't that bad. It's no "Animals," or "Something In Your Mouth." This is just what you'd expect, a song about getting drunk en masse with friends or whomever. It's got that Nickelback guitar sound and of course Chad Kroger posing that he's a regular Joe partying down with his friends or maybe even the fans.

This is why this song gets on my nerves: It's the same formulaic bullshit that Nickelback has been doing for years. In fact this is almost the same song as "Burn It To The Ground," which came out a couple of years ago.

Okay Nickelback we get it, you like to drink. And cause trouble when you do. And we get it, you like money from whatever mouth breathers constantly buy your boring bland records. I'm sure your next record will be another huge success because  white people love your music. And I'm sure the second single will be a ballad you wrote about some groupie who blew you guys in Kansas on your first American tour and now she won't stop calling you... wait that's Hinder. How do I know you guys aren't Hinder actually? I've never seen you both in the same place at the same time.... I'm just saying. Wait, I actually don't know that you're not Theory of a Deadman either.... Hmmmm.