Time to hate on nickelback

So Nickelback has a new album coming out soon. The first single from it came out a few weeks ago and I've been trying to ignore it.

Here's the deal, this song isn't that bad. It's no "Animals," or "Something In Your Mouth." This is just what you'd expect, a song about getting drunk en masse with friends or whomever. It's got that Nickelback guitar sound and of course Chad Kroger posing that he's a regular Joe partying down with his friends or maybe even the fans.

This is why this song gets on my nerves: It's the same formulaic bullshit that Nickelback has been doing for years. In fact this is almost the same song as "Burn It To The Ground," which came out a couple of years ago.

Okay Nickelback we get it, you like to drink. And cause trouble when you do. And we get it, you like money from whatever mouth breathers constantly buy your boring bland records. I'm sure your next record will be another huge success because  white people love your music. And I'm sure the second single will be a ballad you wrote about some groupie who blew you guys in Kansas on your first American tour and now she won't stop calling you... wait that's Hinder. How do I know you guys aren't Hinder actually? I've never seen you both in the same place at the same time.... I'm just saying. Wait, I actually don't know that you're not Theory of a Deadman either.... Hmmmm.

Theory of A Deadman - The Bitch Came Back

Listened to this gem with my boss today. We just sort of sat there with our mouths open and then kind of started to laugh. Not because this song is funny at all but because we were so uncomfortable. It's just so blatantly sexist and misogynistic that it has to be a joke, right?

Not really. I've met a lot of people who think like this and those mouth breathers will really eat this heap of hateful horseshit right up. Like suck it up through a straw and swallow it. It's just...crap.

I don't have words for how vile this song is. It's a cheesy rip off of that song "The Cat Came Back,"  You might remember it from camp or something.



So they didn't even write the melody. Just stole it and put some new words over it. I mean I don't expect the creators of "Low Life," or "Bad Girlfriend," to be geniuses but this is truly a new leap in suck from this band, which is just another Nickelback clone anyway...

Five Finger Death Punch - Under and Over It

Oh. My. God. Someone please stop the ear rape immediately.

I get it. You're angry. I don't know why though, your first record was a huge hit. You live in beautiful sunny Los Angeles and immediately this active rock pre-formed cookie cutter bullshit you crapped out into my ears made you money. You caught the attention of the bands you needed to in your "circle," and even though you guys have some of the most ridiculous promo photos I've ever seen, I bet you get laid all the time. So why all the posing that you're angry? Because I bet you're not.

What I think is this: This is another band doing what they *think* they are supposed to do. "Oh countless bands before me had to complain about people thinking they sold out? I should do a song about that shit! So people know I'm real, dawg."

Look Dawg, I feel you, but did cover a Bad Company song... in a really un-ironic way. Look bro, I'm just sayin... But don't worry, by telling us how much of a fuck you do not give, I'm sure you'll win all those jaded fans of this sort of muck back. You're probably gonna be okay FFDP, so you might as well chill and smoke a 100 dollar cigar.

Wish I could take credit for this one...

But I can't. Still, very funny!

Limp Bizkit - Gold Cobra

Alright, I'll admit it, when Limp Bizkit came out I didn't violently hate them. In the early 2000's everything sounded like this. We also had not begun to hear what a bag of douche Fred Durst is.

Straight to the point, I've met this short a-hole several times. He used to go into Ahhs! where my friend Jennifer worked on the regular and hit on all the girls while he had his kid with him. I distinctly remember him hitting on a female friend of mine that was in a band in front of her boyfriend at a show at the Whiskey. Basically all in all is this persona he plays in the band and in the videos is legit. This is 24/7.

Needless to say when I heard Limp Bizkit was putting out another record I pretty much threw up in my mouth. This style of music is played out. Even the homeboys in Korn have moved on and are trying new things (dubstep? really? whatever, we'll get to there some day) But here is Fred Durst as big as day, frontin' like a motherfucker to show us how much of a fuck he does not give.

I wanted to embed this video because you should watch it for the LOLz but Fred or his record company or whatever doesn't want it embedded. So here it is.

Let's just ignore the fact that this song is a steaming pile of donkey crap. Let's instead focus on how HORRIBLE the video is. You see because Fred Durst is committing another sin of epic proportions in it.

He's wearing a Celtics jersey and a Yankees hat.

Process that sports fans while I explain to the group why that is wrong:

You see, Boston Vs New York well... its a pretty big deal. The Red Sox fans and Yankees fans... they historically do not get along. And having been to Boston myself and whatever, I can pretty much tell you that even Celtics fans who aren't Red Sox fans sure as hell aren't Yankees fans. Now this may look "cool" to Fred to wear these things and maybe in suburban middle America you can get away with it if you are a special needs person but seriously...

I'm too offended by the combination to even start ranting about the only remotely interesting part of the video being a jiggly model, well jiggling. You go girl, you look hot. Sorry you have to hang out with Fred Durst. Nice bikini by the way, is it Roxy or Famous Stars and Straps?

At any rate this song gets an F, as in F everything about this piece of crap.

pray for America, we've lost our way

How this insanely bad and silly band moves so many records I will never know. It's just another example of my not understanding how magnets work I guess. Well now, I'm depressed...


If I have to know what these guys sound like so do you.

I think I'm just gonna blame professional wrestling.

This song drives me nuts

Let me start off with this: I actually like Bruno Mars. I think he's got a good voice and like every other woman on Earth loved "Just The Way You Are" and would probably melt into a pile of goo if some idiot played it on a acoustic guitar for me or something cheesy and stupid like that.



That being said "The Lazy Song" is just stupid. I get it, he wants to do something that sounds like some Jack Johnson song or maybe Jason Mraz or whatever. One of those boring twits. Actually the song kinda does remind me of the Jack Johnson song from the Curious George soundtrack. And it's not bad if you don't really listen to the words, which I'm learning more and more these days, lyrics are such an afterthought in music and even for the listener. It's almost like artists have figured out that most people can't even remember the titles of songs so why bother giving them words that mean anything or make any sense?



Some of my favorite parts of this track:

"I'm gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan
Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
Nobody's gon' tell me I can't

I'll be lounging on the couch just chilling in my Snuggie
Click to MTV so they can teach me how to dougie
'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man"

So wait is he sitting around Al Bundy style or wearing a stupid Snuggie? And why on Earth would you write a song about that? Either way? Stupid. And kinda gross.

"The Lazy Song"


Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

I'm gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan
Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
Nobody's gon' tell me I can't

I'll be lounging on the couch just chilling in my Snuggie
Click to MTV so they can teach me how to dougie
'Cause in my castle I'm the freaking man

Oh yes, I said it, I said it
I said it 'cause I can

Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
Nothing at all, nothing at all

Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X
Find a really nice girl, have some really nice sex
And she's gonna scream out
This is great
(Oh my god, this is great)

Yeah, I might mess around
And get my college degree
I bet my old man will be so proud of me
But sorry pops, you'll just have to wait

Oh yes, I said it, I said it
I said it 'cause I can

Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

No, I ain't gonna comb my hair
'Cause I ain't going anywhere
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

I'll just strut in my birthday suit
And let everything hang loose
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh, today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all

The Wizard Steps Out From Behind the Curtain

So the people responsible for Rebecca Black's "Friday" have started giving interviews. I ALMOST feel bad for the guy. Almost.

technology sucks

Digital software is making it easier and easier for any dumbass with two arms and a Macbook Pro to do welll... whatever they want to rape our ears with the audio equal of dog shit. It's been happening in the DJ community for awhile now, as you know, everone's a DJ with a Mac Book Pro.



"My dog, he DJ's..."

It seems like this has blown up all over pop music lately. There's a lot of bad stuff out there but man if Ark Music Factory aren't the worst offenders. You know the people who brought us Rebecca Black's "Friday." It's like Ark Music Factory is this giant glaring example that god hates us and wants us to be unhappy. The dog balls that Ark puts out and actually makes money off of is a form of international terrorism. Seriously. How do I know?

BECAUSE THERE IS MORE OF IT. NO JOKE.



Oh god no please no

Look let me just put it down for you... if you're super rich and have 2-5k to throw down on doing something bad ass for your kid, awesome, but INVEST IT IN MUSIC LESSONS. Don't just drop them off at the "Shitty Music for Stupid People Factory," with that one guy who raps in ever video and think you got them started on a musical career. Ark Music Factory is like freakin' child abuse.

At very least its sonic adult abuse. Why does this shit even exist?

please god tell me what is going on here

I don't even know where to begin with Rebecca Black's "Friday." I mean I get it, she's a kid making irritating music for kids. But what kids "get down" and "party" on Fridays? I mean I can't imagine anyone over the age of 10 listening to this crap without gouging their ear drums out with a stick.

Please god tell me this is a joke. Like I've been Rick Rolled or something.... jeeze. I have to go vomit in my own face right now....

"Friday"

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah


7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend


7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

[Chorus]

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday

Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

[Bridge]

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards
I don’t want this weekend to end

[Rap Verse]

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

[Chorus]

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

god i dont care

This is so funny, I want to pee my pants.

this is disappointing

Okay Scott Russo and I may be getting a divorce.

A little background here. I am in love with Unwritten Law. They're one of my favorite bands in the world and I've seen them between 15-16 times and have met them enough that usually Scott Russo recognizes me. He's my future ex-husband. I rely on their music to get me going when nothing else will and so you have to understand when I saw that there was NEW UL in the world this morning when I got to work, I almost fell over and died of happy. It was like SURPRISE BITCH IT'S CHRISTMAS!

Then I downloaded it.

You can probably tell that since I am writing about "Starships and Apocalypse" here it didn't really live up to my expectations. In fact it may have actually ruined my day. Not only is it basically every song they've ever done before sonically... there is this part in the song that is completely and totally a Ke$ha rip off or spoof.

(Actual Ke$ha lyrics:

"I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk

Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk

Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk")

Either way, I don't get it. I'm sad. Please oh please tell me this is not what the rest of the album sounds like.

"Starships and Apocalypse"

I see the look in her eyes
She was a fast talking woman with a master disguise
And she wore fake Gucci shades blowing rings with her smoke
And if you didnt know better, she'd let you know

Singing something about, everybody get drunk drunk
Yeah baby lets fuck fuck
Grab control to a major time and here comes the story so sing along yo
Grab control to a major time and here comes the story so... she was sinnging bout

Starships and apocalypse, drifting to the great abyss
And hide, from tomorrow cause she just had tonight
She was singing about
Oh no, please don't go
Last call so lose control
Take my hand, off we go to
La la land

She gets me out of my head
And shes the only kind of woman that makes me understand
When Im talking about, everybody get drunk drunk
Yeah baby lets fuck fuck
Grab control to a major time and here comes the story so sing along yo
Grab control to a major time and here comes the story so... she was sinnging bout

Starships and apocalypse, drifting to the great abyss
And hide, from tomorrow cause she just had tonight
She was singing about
Oh no, please don't go
Last call so lose control
Take my hand, off we go to
La la land

Oh no, she was singing about

Starships and apocalypse, drifting to the great abyss
And hide, from tomorrow cause she just got tonight
She was singing about
Oh no, please don't go
Last call so lose control
Take my hand, off we go to
La la land

Shes singing about

Starships and apocalypse, drifting to the great abyss
And hide, from tomorrow yeah she just had tonight
She was singing about
Oh no, please don't go
Last call so lose control
Take my hand, off we go to
La la land

Shinedown - Diamond Eyes (Boom-Lay Boom-Lay Boom)

Stephanie posted another song by this band earlier, but I need to post about them too, for therapy's sake, and you get to read about another one of the steaming ass babies this band has made.

I don't like Shinedown.

In fact, I hate Shinedown; not in the I-just-kinna-don't-like-them way, but in the if-I-had-a-chance-to-push-a-button-that-would-erase-them-from-the-world-and-make-everyone-in-the-band-and-whoever-liked-them-die-by-having-their-bodies-fill-up-with-rat-shit-and-explode kinna way.

The amount this band sucks has gone past just a degrading sexual act to what can only be described as an industrial application: I think Dyson studies these fucks to make their products. They take the absolute worst of Active Rock and Country music and form it into this turd that idiots love to smear on their chests.

So this post could be applied to all of their music, but is specifically about their latest single called "Diamond Eyes (Boom-Lay Boom-Lay Boom)" that has all of thier fans shitting thier cages. Ignoring the fact that they put out a song with the title of a song and album that The Deftones had JUST put out that doesn't suck this song makes me laugh because I believe the handlers behind Shinedown figured out their demographic completey with this one. Instead of making a lyrical song full of meaning and metaphore they are obviously pandering to their biggest fans: the illiterate.

"I've got it!" some producer at Atlantic says, "None of these ass-fucks can read, so lets make Shinedown make a song with the chorus being the sound a gun makes and then talk about fucking! Guns and sex! $$$$$$!" Then they put the cattle prods to the guys of Shinedown to crank out another useless, riff-driven, piece of shit from the Active Rock factory and make the most prominent feature of the song BOOM-LAY!! Then every slack-jawed mouth breather who loves this fuckery blasts the song and yells along to what they percieve as the nonesense chorus while shooting firearms and making more illegitimate children. a Semiotic MASTERPIECE.

The lyrics:


I am the shadow, and the smoke in your eyes
I am the ghost, that hides in the night

Boom-lay boom-lay, boom! (repeat)

Wait, wait a minute take a step back,
Gotta think twice before you react.
So stay, stay a little while cause a promise
Not kept is the road to exile
Hey, what's the circumstance
You'll never be great without taking a chance
So, wait you waited too long
Had your hands in your anekatips pocket
When you should've been gone.

(Boom-lay boom-lay boom)
One push is all you need
(Boom-lay boom-lay boom)
A fist-first philosophy
(Boom-lay boom-lay boom)
We watch with wounded eyes.
(Boom-lay boom-lay boom)
So I hope you recognize.

Out on the front line, don't worry I'll be fine
The story is just beginning
I say goodbye to my weakness, so long to the regrets
And now I see the world through diamond eyes
Shinedown at www.lyrics-celebrities.anekatips.com

Damn, damn it all down
Took one to the chest without even a sound
anekatips so, what, what do you want
The things you love or the people you hurt
Hey, it’s like deja vu suicidal maniac with nothing to lose
So wait, it's the exception to the rule
Everyone of us is expendable

(Boom-lay boom-lay boom)
One push is all you need
(Boom-lay boom-lay boom)
This is philosophy.
(Boom-lay boom-lay boom)
We watch with wounded eyes.
(Boom-lay boom-lay boom)
So I hope you recognize.

Out on the front line, don't worry I'll be fine
The story is just beginning
I say goodbye to my weakness,
So long to the regrets
And now I know that I'm alive

Out on the front line, don't worry I'll be fine
The story is just beginning
I say goodbye to my weakness so long to the regrets
And now I see the world through
Diamond Eyes

(uuuuuuuuuuuuuh uuuuuh)

Every night of my life I watch angels fall from the sky
Every time that the sun still sets
I pray they don't take mine

guitar solo

I'm on the front line, don't worry I'll be fine
The story is just beginning
I say goodbye to my weakness so long to regrets

Out on the front line, don't worry I'll be fine
The story is just beginning
I say goodbye to my weakness so long to the regrets
And now I know that I'm alive

Out on the front line, don't worry I'll be fine
The story is just beginning
I say goodbye to my weakness, so long to the regrets
And now I see the world through diamond eyes

Out on the front line, don't worry I'll be fine
The story is just beginning
(The story is just beginning)
I say goodbye to my weakness,
So long to the regrets
And now i see the world through
Diamond eyes anekatips

Boom-lay boom-lay boom (repeat till the end)