The Royal Wedding

Chad Kroeger from Nickelback and Avril Lavigne are getting married.

Hold on, I'll let you catch your breath from the most likely stomach cramping laughter you have fallen into... actually if I did that I'd have to wait two weeks, so let's just move on with it. The news broke today with People magazine in the lead, Spin magazine closely following it and of course everyone's favorite celebrity gossip website Oh No They Didn't, bringing the real LOLZ and the goods with pictures of the new power couple of music....

Is it just me or do they look related here?

I am not going to lie, when I first read that they were engaged I checked the date and also made sure I wasn't reading the Onion or some shit. How can two people who are arguably some of the most hated people in music make it in this crazy mixed up world? More over why would they want to? They're going to have to listen to each other's shitty bands do mediocre music for the rest of their lives (their 90 day marriage, whatever comes first.)

Not to mention Avril was classy enough to let this information out on the birthday of her very very recent ex-boyfriend Brody Jenner. Sweet move there. 

But really of course my mind went immediately to all the crimes that their songs have committed against my ears over the years and wonder if the magic of terrible songs or being Canadian is what is to blame (or really to congratulate for the biggest LOL I've had in weeks)

Maybe Chad proposed using this Nickelback gem, you know to show what a sensitive and sweet guy he is:

And then maybe Avril said what the rest of us said and responded with this:

But more likely she probably played him this one back instead...

And then they probably went out and bought some ugly neck chains and hair products together.  But like my friend Jen Wa the Destroyer pointed out, honestly they're perfect for each other:

I mean he wrote this song and she wrote this other song too...

So really I think they're equally annoying. And sonically awful. Dear gods of music, let's keep them from procreating, at least before I go deaf.

Also keep an eye out for the duet they wrote together, which is the reason we have this Royal Wedding to look forward to. Cheers you crazy bad music generating kids.

Going shopping? Can you please find this man a less ugly shirt while you're out?

Classy keychain there...

technology sucks

Digital software is making it easier and easier for any dumbass with two arms and a Macbook Pro to do welll... whatever they want to rape our ears with the audio equal of dog shit. It's been happening in the DJ community for awhile now, as you know, everone's a DJ with a Mac Book Pro.



"My dog, he DJ's..."

It seems like this has blown up all over pop music lately. There's a lot of bad stuff out there but man if Ark Music Factory aren't the worst offenders. You know the people who brought us Rebecca Black's "Friday." It's like Ark Music Factory is this giant glaring example that god hates us and wants us to be unhappy. The dog balls that Ark puts out and actually makes money off of is a form of international terrorism. Seriously. How do I know?

BECAUSE THERE IS MORE OF IT. NO JOKE.



Oh god no please no

Look let me just put it down for you... if you're super rich and have 2-5k to throw down on doing something bad ass for your kid, awesome, but INVEST IT IN MUSIC LESSONS. Don't just drop them off at the "Shitty Music for Stupid People Factory," with that one guy who raps in ever video and think you got them started on a musical career. Ark Music Factory is like freakin' child abuse.

At very least its sonic adult abuse. Why does this shit even exist?

please god tell me what is going on here

I don't even know where to begin with Rebecca Black's "Friday." I mean I get it, she's a kid making irritating music for kids. But what kids "get down" and "party" on Fridays? I mean I can't imagine anyone over the age of 10 listening to this crap without gouging their ear drums out with a stick.

Please god tell me this is a joke. Like I've been Rick Rolled or something.... jeeze. I have to go vomit in my own face right now....

"Friday"

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah


7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend


7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

[Chorus]

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday

Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

[Bridge]

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards
I don’t want this weekend to end

[Rap Verse]

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

[Chorus]

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

god i dont care

This is so funny, I want to pee my pants.

this is disappointing

Okay Scott Russo and I may be getting a divorce.

A little background here. I am in love with Unwritten Law. They're one of my favorite bands in the world and I've seen them between 15-16 times and have met them enough that usually Scott Russo recognizes me. He's my future ex-husband. I rely on their music to get me going when nothing else will and so you have to understand when I saw that there was NEW UL in the world this morning when I got to work, I almost fell over and died of happy. It was like SURPRISE BITCH IT'S CHRISTMAS!

Then I downloaded it.

You can probably tell that since I am writing about "Starships and Apocalypse" here it didn't really live up to my expectations. In fact it may have actually ruined my day. Not only is it basically every song they've ever done before sonically... there is this part in the song that is completely and totally a Ke$ha rip off or spoof.

(Actual Ke$ha lyrics:

"I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk

Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk

Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk")

Either way, I don't get it. I'm sad. Please oh please tell me this is not what the rest of the album sounds like.

"Starships and Apocalypse"

I see the look in her eyes
She was a fast talking woman with a master disguise
And she wore fake Gucci shades blowing rings with her smoke
And if you didnt know better, she'd let you know

Singing something about, everybody get drunk drunk
Yeah baby lets fuck fuck
Grab control to a major time and here comes the story so sing along yo
Grab control to a major time and here comes the story so... she was sinnging bout

Starships and apocalypse, drifting to the great abyss
And hide, from tomorrow cause she just had tonight
She was singing about
Oh no, please don't go
Last call so lose control
Take my hand, off we go to
La la land

She gets me out of my head
And shes the only kind of woman that makes me understand
When Im talking about, everybody get drunk drunk
Yeah baby lets fuck fuck
Grab control to a major time and here comes the story so sing along yo
Grab control to a major time and here comes the story so... she was sinnging bout

Starships and apocalypse, drifting to the great abyss
And hide, from tomorrow cause she just had tonight
She was singing about
Oh no, please don't go
Last call so lose control
Take my hand, off we go to
La la land

Oh no, she was singing about

Starships and apocalypse, drifting to the great abyss
And hide, from tomorrow cause she just got tonight
She was singing about
Oh no, please don't go
Last call so lose control
Take my hand, off we go to
La la land

Shes singing about

Starships and apocalypse, drifting to the great abyss
And hide, from tomorrow yeah she just had tonight
She was singing about
Oh no, please don't go
Last call so lose control
Take my hand, off we go to
La la land