Time to hate on nickelback

So Nickelback has a new album coming out soon. The first single from it came out a few weeks ago and I've been trying to ignore it.

Here's the deal, this song isn't that bad. It's no "Animals," or "Something In Your Mouth." This is just what you'd expect, a song about getting drunk en masse with friends or whomever. It's got that Nickelback guitar sound and of course Chad Kroger posing that he's a regular Joe partying down with his friends or maybe even the fans.

This is why this song gets on my nerves: It's the same formulaic bullshit that Nickelback has been doing for years. In fact this is almost the same song as "Burn It To The Ground," which came out a couple of years ago.

Okay Nickelback we get it, you like to drink. And cause trouble when you do. And we get it, you like money from whatever mouth breathers constantly buy your boring bland records. I'm sure your next record will be another huge success because  white people love your music. And I'm sure the second single will be a ballad you wrote about some groupie who blew you guys in Kansas on your first American tour and now she won't stop calling you... wait that's Hinder. How do I know you guys aren't Hinder actually? I've never seen you both in the same place at the same time.... I'm just saying. Wait, I actually don't know that you're not Theory of a Deadman either.... Hmmmm.

Theory of A Deadman - The Bitch Came Back

Listened to this gem with my boss today. We just sort of sat there with our mouths open and then kind of started to laugh. Not because this song is funny at all but because we were so uncomfortable. It's just so blatantly sexist and misogynistic that it has to be a joke, right?

Not really. I've met a lot of people who think like this and those mouth breathers will really eat this heap of hateful horseshit right up. Like suck it up through a straw and swallow it. It's just...crap.

I don't have words for how vile this song is. It's a cheesy rip off of that song "The Cat Came Back,"  You might remember it from camp or something.



So they didn't even write the melody. Just stole it and put some new words over it. I mean I don't expect the creators of "Low Life," or "Bad Girlfriend," to be geniuses but this is truly a new leap in suck from this band, which is just another Nickelback clone anyway...

garbage

I distinctly remember the first time I heard this band, I hated them. Shinedown was just another Nickelcrap clone. I used to get them and Seether mixed up. Actually I might still... they're both pretty awful. This is one of those bands I try to discount in meetings by my t-shirt theory... I.E. when was the last time you saw someone in a Shinedown shirt? Like I'll put up with Metallica and Megadeth because people are passionate about these bands. I don't think I've ever asked someone "So hey, what's your favorite band?" and had them answer "OMG I LOVE SHINEDOWN." Does anyone even know what these dudes look like?

Anyway I thought I had heard the worst these dudes could shit onto a platter until I heard this:



This is so not a rock song. This is like some Matchbox Twenty garbage. And it might not even sound like garbage if it was done by a Matchbox twenty, Sarah McLachlan, some Hot AC something or other because this is a pop ballad, not a rock song. Yet last summer this thing ear raped rock radio all summer long and I never once heard one person say they liked it. I mean there isn't anything to LIKE about it.

I realize that scholocky mediocrity is what most of 'Merica (eff yah!) likes but come on. This is just dog vomit.

"The Crow and the Butterfly"

I painted your room at midnight
So I'd know yesterday was over
I put all your books on the top shelf
Even the one with the four leaf clover

Man, I'm getting older
I took all your pictures off the wall
And wrapped them in a newspaper blanket
I haven't slept in what seems like a century
And now I can barely breathe

Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late

Your words still serenade me
Your lullabies won't let me sleep
I've never heard such a haunting melody
Oh, it's killing me
You know I can barely breathe

Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late

Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away

Like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late

Just a little too late

i don't get it

I love rock music. I do. But this?

WHAT THE HELL? I DON'T GET IT WHY DO YOU LIKE THIS??!?



It's schlocky and like... just bad. Mediocre. I get it everyone loves boobs. Hell I like boobs, but songs about boobs don't actually equate real boobs. Like listening to this song at your mom's house in the basement while you play Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix is not going to make bountiful boobs appear in your life. All this song is going to do is give me a damn headache. And maybe cause nausea.